It's been a while

It's been almost a year since I've last posted.
2nd year was freakin' crazy and I just forgot about my blogging.
Now that I've finished taking my Boards, I thought I might start up again.

So keep checking the site out for any updates.

In the meantime, check out this new website that's about to launch. It's super useful for those who buy books often:
booksmoothie.com

That's a picture of all the cousins on my dad's side for Michelle's (the girl in white standing next to Greg in the military uniform) wedding banquet in SF 

That's the future Reed Hall 6B at bennigans...Christine has her hair done cuz she was a bridesmaid for a friend back at home the day before 

There's Sonali, Peggy and Alan passing out at the club in Houston... 

There's Alan, Justin, Catherine and Peggy at Catherine's wedding...obviously!! Isn't she a doll??! 

That's my brother's Lizzy Pooh on Lombard Street in SF...she's in Sri Lanka right now, working at an orphanage 

That's me pretending I can fly...Bet you can't guess what bridge is behind me :) 

That's my brother thinking near the Golden Gate Bridge...I think his head hurts and that's why he's upset 

That's me having my first In and Out Meal in SF...it was quite yummy 

summer update

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've last posted...i remembered when I used to post like everyday when I first signed up for this thing...

Summer's been good...really busy...been working at lab and shadowing clinicians and doing all the extracurricular stuff:
Monday: Bible study--we're reading the gospel of Mark and it's been really interesting. I really love our bible study group...we went out for crabs and maggie moo's one night and saw charlie and the chocolate factory another night...
Tuesday: Tap dancing with Leilani and Nicole...been going well...I usually catch on to dance pretty fast
Wednesday: Voice Lessons at the Peabody...they're over now but they were really good...I'm looking to find the money to pay for lessons for the upcoming year and the time to practice.
Thursday: Fresh Start Tutoring and Men's clinic...the tutoring was Roberto's idea and it's been really great teaching the students basic math...the only bad thing is that i broke the front wheel of my bike on my second trip over there...Men's Clinic is good...been getting better at using the blood pressure cuff thingie ( i forget the medical term) and i've started listening to the lungs and stuff

My Weekends have been amazing: I've only been in Baltimore for one weekend all summer. I've been to DC twice, NY twice, california and houston. This weekend I'm off to Boston.

I've also been helping plan Orientation, MD/PhD retreat and stuff...Orientation has been fun planning cuz all these first years email me and they're so excited...they add like 10 exclamation points at the end of each sentence...i just say, wait until they burn out :)

Being busy has been really good for me because I don't miss my friends so much...but I get tired really easily and some nights I just wish I could pass out for 12 hours...

Well, I'm gonna post some pictures now...

Laters

my fear of hugging

In the past two weeks, a bunch of my med school friends have left for the summer and the issue of hugging and physical contact came up. I often have issues when it comes to hugging people (to say goodbye) because I get uncomfortable with being touched. Peggy tells me that I don't hug like I mean it and my ex told me I didn't hug as tightly as other girls. Catherine also faces similar issues and we both pinned the problem as being a result of something from the past. I think I wasn't hugged enough growing up and hugging wasn't a big thing in my family. But it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a meaningful hug from my friends...it just takes time for me to feel comfortable doing it with each person.

I bring this up because I had this conversation with some guy and he wrote, "Its ironic how the "lack" of what you needed as a child has resulted in your basically giving that same behavior to others". At first, I blew off his comments as his just probably wanting sex , but then as I kept rereading that statement, it really started worrying me. Do my friends get offended when I don't hug them as much as others do or when I retract whenever I get touched? Am I not going to hug my kids enough when they grow up and make them have the same problem? I'd like to think that I'll hug my kids all the time because I love hugging kids now...they're so innocent. I just get shy when it comes to adults because the media and my parents have poisoned my mind about physical contact...well, hopefully I'll get over this soon, because apparently my lack of open affection have turned potentials away....

June #2: Here's the last picture that our suite took together: From the top clockwise: Sonali, Peggy, Caitlin and Me. And yah, that's a new hairstyle for me.

June #1: Here's one of the last pictures taken as first years. Well actually, we were no longer first years in this picture. We had just finished our exam 12 hours ago in this picture. Here you'll see Daraspreet, Cyrus and Kenny 

May #2: Here are the MudPhuds after the White Coat Ceremony...it's the second biggest event (next to graduation) in our medical school career. 

May #1: That's a few of us at Catherine's HOT Bachelorette party. I would post more scandalous pictures but what would happen if Justin found them...hehe. Say Hi to some of the finest ladies of our class: Sonali, Nancy, Catherine, me, Christine and Heidi 

April #2: This picture brings me a lot of joy and grief to look at. It's the 12 of us at the triathlon finish line. Don't want to say much more about it...you can read it in my May blog 

April #1: This is a picture of something I am most proud of achieving my first year at medical school. You'll notice it has nothing to do with academics...well mostly. I am most proud of having gotten 17 of my classmates, one faculty member and myself to put on a medical school rendtion of the Cell Block Tango. It took a lot of persuading to get some of the guys to do it, but I'm so glad they said yes becuase they did an absolutely phenomenal job. Obviously you can't see everyone clearly in this picture, but I have to say my thanks to everyone: Front row (L to R) Allen, Me (lyricist and lead), Tricia, Roger (choreographer), Tiffany (Lead), Megan (choreographer), Matt, Heidi (choreographer and lead), Amy
Back row: Jon (Lead), Nancy, Peggy , Christine (choreographer), Geoff (lead), Catherine (lyricist), Nicole, Steve (lead), Sonali

We put this is on for the First Year Show to show the prospies that Hopkins was more than academics. I was stage manager with my girl, Alice, and I must say it was a big pain in the ass. But somehow, Bushey, Alice and me all somehow pulled it together at the very last minute.

March #2: This is also one of my most favorite pictures. Honestly, did you ever think you would see two of the most handsome and masculine guys in our class (Brian and Tai-Li) wear Care Bear hats for a birthday party? This was at my birthday party, one of the best ever. I was so happy with what Peggy and Sonali planned that I wanted to cry. Best Suitemates Ever.

March #1: This is a picture of Amit and Frank advertising for the East Baltimore Community Talent Show. It was Shantanu's idea to feature the talent of members of the local community. It was a huge success and of course the food was great ;P 

February #2: I really wanted to post a picture of the time we went snowboarding because at least I'm in them, but this one is so much better...This is us (well I'm taking the picture) in the elevator after a massive snowball fight...We look like a mess but that's cuz things got a little crazy out there...Daraspreet is holding a garbage can that was full of water before he dumped it on Chris and Brian. From left to right: Daraspreet, Chris, Brian, Nancy, Giannina, and Annie

February #1: That's our anatomy group at a post anatomy party...yah, i'm really red from drinking a quarter of a "sex on the beach." Despite our quarreling every single day, I'm really glad we stuck together as a group because they became some of my closest friends here....I mean, who wouldn't expect four asian girls to hit it off :) Right, Phil? 

January #2: Another rock climbing picture...that's cuz I didn't get out too much in January because Anatomy decided it wanted to take over my life...But this is Steve and my attempt to make him look like he was climbing really high up...didn't work out too well, but the face makes it all worth it. 

January #1: That's our group going rock climbing...I dunno what's up with the spots...But, it was our last attempt at the Alternative Sports BYOB. I had a blast! 

December, #2: I've already posted this picture before but it has to be one of my all time favorites. It shows the awesome friendship my suite had with all the suites on the floor, especially the boys' suite. This picture was just the beginning to all the pranks we played on each other...from stealing chairs, to turning furniture upside down, to posting tampon ads all over the boys' room and to being "peeped" by the boys. I'm going to truly miss being down the hall from some of the greatest guys in our class. But next year, some really great guys are still going to be staying in Reed and hopefully the tradition of pranking will continue 

December, #1: In my spare time as a medical student, I threw a holiday party, to which 25+ people came. Our suite was a little cramped, but overall I think it was an awesome party 

November, #2: Here's us at Karaoke and a random Korean lounge...We went out to celebrate Sonali's and Catherine's Birthday. You'll find some of my closest friends here. From left to right: Sonali, Fay, Catherine, Christine, Jen and Peggy 

November, #1: Here's a picture of Sonali's and Catherine's Birthday party...Sorry the quality sucks, but it shows how close our floor and friends are

October #2: This is one of my favorite pictures...Look at all those fine looking guys :) This is a picture of us after playing paintball..I sucked at it and it was a pain to organize, but I'm glad everyone had a great time

October's a hard month to pick two pictures from...there were so many events: paintball, lasertag, orioles game, masquerade ball..but here are my two favorite pictures

October, #1: This picture has been posted everywhere...it was in all the slide shows at the end of the year. My three closest friends are here with me at Camden Yards. From Left to Right are: Sonali, Peggy, Me, Catherine

September #2: Our first attempt at the Alternative Sports BYOB: Minigolf. 

September, #1: Who could every forget the infamous 12th floor party? The one that set the bar for all future parties. Here's a bunch of us at our toast...a little prepartying 

Hopkins First Year told by Pictures

First year has finally ended! It didn't exactly end on a great note...the Histology Slide Exam and the Physiology final exam sucked ...And I didn't get a chance to really hang out with my friends before they left...Sonali, Peggy and I spent our last nite in the living room watching movies on Thursday and Rabia, Roberto and I spent Friday talking until 5:30. I moved this past week and now I've been really lonely...no one's really here for the summer.
I've been so desperate to find people to hang out with that I actually filled out a profile on eHarmony.com and Yahoo Personals! ::GASP:: I doubt anything will happen but it's interesting to see who I match with.
Anyways, I realized it's been a really long time since I've posted pictures online. I was going to post pictures to go along with that really long update I had in May but now I've decided to pick two pictures from every month of my first year to show you my amazing friends and what a good time I had...Enjoy!

That makes a lot of sense....more than CV physiology at least

Alarming Effect E-Mail Has on Your Brain
We have no idea what you're supposed to do about this, but a British study by TNS Research commissioned by Hewlett Packard concludes that workers who are distracted by frequent phone calls, e-mails, and text messages actually suffer a greater loss of IQ than someone who smokes marijuana, report The Guardian and UK's Press Association.
The problem isn't the e-mail itself. The problem is the constant interruptions in your work day that reduce productivity and leave you feeling tired, lethargic, and unable to focus.
In 80 clinical trials, the IQ of 1,100 British workers was monitored throughout the day by Dr. Glenn Wilson, a psychiatrist at King's College in London. What he found is that when people tried to juggle e-mail, phone calls, and text messages along with their work, their IQs dropped by a full 10 points. That's the equivalent of missing an entire night's sleep and more than the four-point decline seen after someone smokes pot.

"This is a very real and widespread phenomenon," Wilson told The Guardian. "We have found that this obsession with looking at messages, if unchecked, will damage a worker's performance by reducing their mental sharpness. Companies should encourage a more balanced and appropriate way of working."
The Guardian describes it like this: "E-mails in particular have an addictive, drug-like grip." A big part of the problem is what Wilson calls an almost complete lack of discipline in handing e-mail. Most of us feel compelled to reply to each new message, and this leads to a relentless change in our mental direction.
Alarming facts about how we use e-mail:
Fully two-thirds of workers check their e-mail when they aren't working, including on vacation.
50 percent respond to an e-mail within an hour of receiving it.
20 percent will interrupt a business or social engagement to respond to an e-mail.
90 percent said anyone who answers e-mail during face-to-face meetings is rude, but 30 percent admitted it's also a sign of diligence and efficiency.

No wonder I'm getting dumber and dumber

Finally, an update

After several requests to update my blog, here it is....I probably should go to bed or study for my exam on Wednesday but I need to let all my thoughts out...

I guess I'll update you on all that's happened since my last post....

Week of 3/7:
Probably one of the more stressful weeks at school...had a psych midterm, neuro quiz, PAS presentation and the East Baltimore Community Talent Show...there was definitely a lack of sleep that week...as I look back on that week, it wasn't too horrible, only because things were going to get a lot worse in April...

Spring Break:
One of the most hectic spring breaks ever...I was in 6 different cities on two different coasts, in two different countries in only 6 days...
I left immediately after my psych class on Friday to go to Boston to see Caitlin's final vocal recital...but I ended up missing the first 45 minutes of it because the plane was delayed by snow and I hit traffic on the way over to Killian from the airport...but it was still worth it to hear her sing for 15 minutes....
After dinner with Caitlin, Dan and Caitlin's family, I went to the Hong Kong with Caitlin, Dana, Graham, Albert, Caitlin's cousin and Caitlin's brother....I had my very first shot given to me by Caitlin and Dana...(they were nice to me and gave me just a Lemon Drop)...it was really nasty...I have a video and pictures of it and the picture of my face is definitely worth keeping...I turned red and got all itchy but I at least held it in...
After 2 hours of sleep, I left Boston to go back to Baltimore to do a show at the Children's theater...Jyoti visited me afterwards and we went shopping at Arundel Mills...it's definitely the best mall in the Baltimore area...I was definitely exhausted so I didn't enjoy it as much but I had fun...We came back and drank some of the wine she got me for my birthday...
On Sunday, after brunch with Jyoti and my brother, I had another show and left for San Diego, where my dad was giving a talk at the American Chemical Society Meeting. I spent the rest of the week in California and Mexico and it was really being in the sun. I went to the San Diego Zoo, Hollywood, Universal Studios, Berkeley and Stanford to visit Pam and Maria and Ensenada, Mexico. The vacation was really amazing except for the part where I fought with my Dad and his friends with China because I was being a selfish brat. Looking back on the incident, I was such a horrible daughter for telling my dad that I would always be closer to my mom than to him.
I came back on Friday night for another show on Saturday and spent all of Sunday cleaning my room and suite. We finally took down the christmas/birthday tree....

Week of 3/21:
I can't really remember much from that week, except that I got to interview my first psych patient and that was really cool. Oh yah, and we had the anatomy memorial service, where I sang "Think of Me" with Peggy playing the piano and Catherine playing the violin (and Phil flipped the pages). It was definitely a new experience for me, since I've never sang a solo in a recital format...only in musical theater/opera. People said I looked really confident and did really well, which is funny, because I was shaking all over and had to stare at certain people to keep calm. I'm glad it worked out so well and I really enjoyed working on the piece with Peggy and Catherine. I also got to sing in a small choir that day, which was a good break too.
The weekend was awesome. My roommates are the best, ever. We were planning on having a slumber party to celebrate my birthday, but little did I know that they invited 20+ people to go out for dinner. It was such a pleasant surprise to see so many people come out for my birthday. But what was the most amazing part was that my roommates decorated our suite with Care Bear decorations (hats, blowhorns, plates, streamers) while I was on my way to the restaurant. They even got me an ice cream cake with a cat on the top...I almost cried when I saw how much effort they put into it...We spent the rest of the nite playing Mafia and Taboo...it was one of the best nights ever

Week of 3/28: I can't really remember much for that week, other than training for the triathlon, rehearsing for the Cell Block Tango and Indian Dance for the first year show and cramming for the neuro/psych final. Oh yah, and I frantically tried to organize a 12th floor party with Chris to celebrate 8 people's birthdays and organize a dinner with Fay for Christine's birthday...and I saw Harold and Kumar go to White Castle...funniest movie ever.

Week of 4/4: After the neuro test, things started getting hectic. The first year show was less than two weeks away and we were totally not ready. For Cell Block Tango, we had to increase the number of rehearsals because trying to sing, tango and act was such a hard task for all of us. Some of us had never been in a musical number before, let alone dance, so we had to bust some ass. But everyone in the number was so amazing and so gracious in giving up their time to put it together. I was so proud of everyone.
I was also in the Indian Dance, which was a new experience for me. I was supposed to be in only one minute of the number but a girl dropped out of it, so I ended up doing the whole thing. It was definitely really hard for me because I've never done any of the moves before and had to be so coordinated...but it was certainly worth it.
On top of rehearsing for two dances, I was also working on stage managing stuff for the first year show. I needed to get people's powerpoint slides, music and all sorts of stuff, as well as deal with the lack of funding by the Admissions office.
I got a new bike that Friday too for the triathlon...I ended up spending over $850 on a bike, helmet, locks and other random stuff....I'm not sure if it was worth it because I didn't actually end up using it in the triathlon (see below), but I really like the bike and the helmet was pretty.

My mom came to visit me that weekend to see the Cherry Blossoms...They were really beautiful...I was really glad to spend the weekend with my mom, Sewell, Liz and my aunts and uncle, especially since my mom brought down all this food for me and I got to do laundry for free....Sewell, Liz and I went clubbing at Dream in D.C. that weekend and met up with a bunch of people from Hopkins...It was definitely a lot of fun, except for the part where I passed out for 2 hours after having a "Four Horseman" shot and puking five times...but the dancing was good :P

Week of 4/11:
Probably the most stressful week ever...all I have to say is Thank God, we were doing epidemiology because there is no way I could have gotten through everything with any other class. The week started with me pulling an all nighter to study for the quiz...even though the quiz wouldn't count if we did poorly, I knew I would haven't time to study for the final exam because of Revisit weekend, so I stayed up all night studying for that... I also had to do my stupid taxes for 3 different states and the Federal Government...they took away a lot of my money
For the rest of the week, all hell broke loose. I was frantically trying to put together all the powerpoint slides and videos for the first year show...People kept changing their slides and videos and it really drove me nuts...but mostly because I'm anal and uptight and like to get things done early (this does not apply to studying)...I was also trying to get the props together for the show, which included my sewing buttons on break away scrubs, making styrofoam tomatoes, decorating sheets of fabric...

The venue of the First Year Show changed the last minute which was so damn frustrating...trying to put on a show in Turner without ever rehearsing in there was such a scary thought...

Dress Rehearsal in the first year lecture hall was a disaster...The big dance numbers had such a problem being in such a tight space and the AV and sound quality really sucked...people were on each other's nerves and I ended up yelling at my friends, which I felt horrible about....

But despite all the stress, the first year show was a huge success...Bushey, Alice and I really pulled through and got everything really organized so that being in Turner worked out well...the students in our class really enjoyed the show and the prospectives totally appreciated all our work and were really entertained....I was so proud of everyone in the Cell Block Tango...they did a phenomenal job in Turner and it just looked so amazing...I got so many compliments for it, but honestly, I had little to do with how well it turned out...Heidi, Roger and Christine did an amazing job choreographing it, Catherine was absolutely brilliant in writing the lyrics and every single dancer and singer was so talented and dedicated in putting on a fantastic act...I gave everyone flowers and cried as I expressed my gratitude because they were just amazing people...
The rest of revisit weekend went well...I really like a lot of the prospies and had a fun time at the party after the show, dinner on Saturday and the bar party on Saturday night...
I slept most of Sunday and didn't start studying for the Epi final until 11 and pulled yet another all nighter...

Week of 4/18:
Not much happened that week except that I went to Patterson Park with my classmates and played 2 downs of football until Cyrus quit on me. I also did a half ass job in training for the triathlon...oh, and I went on a Baskin robbins/Wendy's trip on thursday night after a stupid Renal problem set with Roger, Nancy and Steve....and we spent Friday night at Phil's watching Kung Pow, Enter the Fist, which is the dumbest movie of all time, but really damn funny...AND the best part was watching Chris freak out as i was teaching him how to cook cuz he was worried he wasn't going to be able to cook by himself for Pushpa...

Weekend of Triathlon:
This weekend had to have been the most demoralizing weekends of all time...I wasn't nervous at all on Saturday, and I think it was because I was planning on bailing before the Triathlon started on Sunday because it was going to be only 43 degrees and I was afraid of getting an asthma attack...We got to Fredericksburg, VA around 4:30 pm on Saturday and looked around at the site...it was such a beautiful park...afterwards, we picked up our packets, checked in the hotel and had dinner...dinner was a really lonely experience...I sat at a table of 7 and felt like the odd person out...everyone kinda broke off into pairs in terms of conversation and I just kinda sat there poking at my food...but dinner ended pretty quickly and we went back to the hotel...we got all our clothes and bikes ready for the next day and I was getting pretty excited...I guess I was so excited that I barley slept that nite...I definitely remember seeing the alarm clock at midnite, 2, 3 and then right before it went off at 5:30...
I decided to do the triathlon that morning because my asthma didn't act up despite the cold....

(all right, I'm going to go study now, but I will continue this post on Wednesday after my exam)
(okay, after an "8 hour nap" after the exam, I will continue my post")

It was really hectic that morning getting ready for the tri. We had to pick up our wetsuits, get numbers drawn on our arms and legs, set up the transition area and all sorts of random stuff. The entire time, I wasn't really nervous and I wasn't sure why. I think, deep down, I kinda knew I was going to give up partway during the triathlon. Little did I know that partway meant only 10 minutes....

The start of the race was broken into waves and of course, I got left behind in the last wave while all the girls were in the wave before me and the guys were in the first few waves....once again, I was feeling like the odd one out. After the girls' wave left, Brian (the organizer of the Hopkins "team") had already finished the swim and I was feeling really good, seeing that he came back. But then, a minute later, Emily, one of the girls from our group, was walking out of the water towards the start line because it was really hard for her to breathe...I ran over to her to calm her down and tried to encourage her to start again with me...I was gettin really worried to have seen her stop swimming because swimming was her strongest event...but I figured, I'd be okay, now that I had a partner....

About 15 seconds before my wave started, Nancy Takenaga, Ryan T's wife, also walked out of the water, complaining about how hard it was to breathe...and you can guess I started getting really worried but I left with Emily when the horn blew....I kept my head above water to try to talk to Emily to encourage her to keep going but about 5 minutes in, she decided to stop and turn back and told me to keep going...When I looked around me, I realized I was like the last of 10 people, so I tried to start swimming...but I couldn't...every time I dunked my head underwater, I flipped out because it was scary not to be able to see anything....on top of that, the waves were really erratic and air was freezing cold, making it hard to breathe...I've had my share of swimming in the ocean, but usually in 80 degree weather AND with regular waves....I think this was my first time swimming in a lake, on top of it being windy and cold....After 5 minutes of just breast stroking with my head above water, I got really tired and wanted to hold on to a kayak. I tried to call one over but the guy was busy helping out someone else and ended up calling the big boat that pulls you out of the water. I was really upset by this because I wasn't planning on giving up...but then after he did that, I thought about whether or not it was worth continuing...I questioned what it meant if I finished or didn't the triathlon and what I would gain out of finishing it...and frankly, during those few minutes treading water in the cold, I realized it wasn't worth enough, and I let myself be pulled out of the water........BIG MISTAKE.

While on the boat, I looked ahead and saw Catherine struggling in the water and called over to her to see if she was okay, since she was worried about the swim portion. As I look back now, I kinda wish I didn't call her over, because if she hadn't seen me quit, she might have continued and finished...but I think, having seen me on the boat, she ended up quitting too....

For the rest of the triathlon, I just spent my time cheering everyone on...sorta glad that I quit because people were in pain.....It was really exciting to see Brian win his category and everyone else finish....Even though Emily and Nancy didn't do the swim, they did the bike and run portions and Catherine did the run portion to keep Christine going...and that's when it hit...I was the only one who didn't do any portion and didn't cross that finish line...

While repacking our stuff and loading my things in the car, I definitely felt this huge guilt trip and was regretful for giving up so early...when we got back at the hotel, I couldn't take it anymore and tried calling people to talk...the first person that picked up was Caitlin from MIT and I just started hysterically crying...I wasn't so much mad that I didn't finish, but angry that I even bothered training for the triathlon...I was furious that I even thought I could do a triathlon, since I had never worked out previous to the training....Things got worse when I watched everyone who did finish, talk about wearing their Tri shirts on Monday and planning a celebratory luncheon...I didn't want to wear the shirt so people wouldn't ask me about it and I didn't want to go to lunch with them, since I felt like I didn't belong for not having finished...I was just so mad at myself and stopped talking to anyone for the rest of the day....I ended up blowing off Catherine a few times, which really upset her...she ended up coming to our suite that nite to confront me and I apologized and the whole conversation turned in to a crying session, during which Chris walked in...you can guess he pretty much walked right back out when he saw us...Catherine and I were really upset because we had never worked so hard for something and fail...and what's worse, we think that had I just swam a little further and caught up to her, we could have encouraged each other to keep going...

I called my mom that night really upset, but she ended up being happy that I didn't do it (b/c of asthma) and was yelling at me for being upset...she said that she thought I was over the whole peer pressure stage and showing off stage...I ended up yelling at her for being so insensitive so she started to be more comforting...

my brother wasn't that helpful either....he just laughed in disbelief that I spent so much on my bike and didn't use it.

I wore my shirt the next day but covered it with a zip up sweater and avoided talking about it, but it was so hard since the people who did finish were talking about it everywhere....everytime I heard the word "triathlon", I just wanted to burst into tears...and when stupid people, who heard I didn't finish, made remarks about how they couldn't believe that I gave up so easily, I just wanted to punch their living daylights out of them and yell at them for not even trying...

I ended up avoiding Brian for the next few days because every time I looked at him, I felt like such a failure...I felt like I let him down because I bothered him so much for the past 2 months about my asthma and getting a new bike and I was the person who finished the least of it...there were times where I deliberately put my head down as I walked past him to avoid any eye contact and I felt really bad about it, but I didn't want to start crying in front of him and the rest of the class, when speaking to him....I ended up writing a card on Thursday to him to explain what was going on and apologizing for avoiding him...he came to my room that night to talk and it was really therapeutic, even though I kept crying and babbled nonsensically...he told me that i shouldn't feel like a failure and that he was proud I was even tried and that perhaps I need to find better reasons that will motivate me to continue during race day....

So, I'm a lot better now, with regards to the triathlon...I went swimimng last week at Homewood, but ended up fooling around in the water because I didn't have some agenda to finish...I'm thinking about trying another one in the summer with Catherine but I need to find the motivation and the right reasons....

The one good thing that happened that weekend...Chris did a most excellent job cooking, with minimal help from me...I was so proud to see him cook for so many people...

Week of 4/25:
The disappointment of the triathlon was apparently the beginning of a cascade of bad events to come...

The week before, an old neighbor of mine, got in touch with my brother after trying to contact him for years...Sewell gave me his email address since he asked about me and we started writing really long emails to each other to catch up and he even called a couple of times to chat...Everything seemed to be going really well for him until he started opening up more...I found out that he's a heroin addict, just started methadone, and attempted suicide last year....it was so horrible to find out that a friend was going through such hard times...especially since he was a childhood friend, who along with my brother and other neighborhood boys, turned me into such a TomBoy....what was worst, was that I'm almost confident that had his mother not died suddenly, he may not have turned out this way since his mom was the disciplinarian of the family....I started getting really upset about why innocent people die while others go on to live and even commit horrendous crimes. His mom was such a sweet person and developed a brain tumor that caused her to collapse one day while mowing the lawn...at the time she passed away, I was only 10 and was simply shocked, since she was the first person I ever knew to have died...but now, I just think it's unfair that God takes away people's lives like that in a flash...a friend of mine in high school, who did so much community service and was so altruistic, developed leukemia and died during my freshman year in high school...and another girl from college recently developed thyroid cancer, which metastasized and now she's battling for her life...

I was also struggling in class last week...I was completely lost in the pulmonary section of the organ systems course plus i got yelled at by the "god of physiology" at hopkins for apparently saying something that was right...i was so mad after being yelled at that I totally lost focus for the rest of discussion, especially since he droned on about the same concept and confused us more...i bitched the rest of the day until Steve told me that I just had to let go...at the time, I was offended to hear him say that because he didn't go through what I did, but as I look back now, he was right...it's funny because I used to think, when I first met him at the beginning of the year, as being easily arousable but since he started going to church and dated his girlfriend, he's been putting me in check, which has definitely been good for me...

We also had our revisit weekend wrap-up meeting last week with the admissions committee people...it was probably the worst meeting i've ever had with supposedly professional people...basically, every time the blame was put on to us, they remembered every single detail of what was said at a prior meeting, but every time they were to blame, the admissions committee selectively forgot what happened and claimed innocence...it was so infuriating...and what was worst was that despite the success of the first year show, they still won't recognize it as the first year show...and when we asked dean white why the first year show didn't meet the goal of revisit weekend, he said "because i said so, and that's my decision..." hello!!??!? are we five year olds here? I'm really upset because I feel like I put so much hard work and sacrificed so much for the first year show to entertain the prospectives and the admissions committee won't recognize our efforts...plus, I'm mad because I feel like we keep getting punished for the second year's mistakes...like our funding for the summer has been severely restricted and the reason the first year show was originally removed from revisit was because it got too rowdy last year and some prospectives didn't come because people got so drunk...and talking about drinking, it was so annoying that the admissions committee brought up every single evaluation that commented on drinking...i'm like, you can't tell me that you didn't drink when you were back in college/grad school...give up the crusade on banning drinking....

4/30-now

This weekend was pretty bad...I completely reversed my schedule becuase I kept sleeping all day and studying late at night while talking to Phil...I pulled a few all nighters and it's only Wednesday...

While I'm annoyed withe admissions committee, they haven't ruined my life...but they've been such an ass to Phil and his fiancee...I won't say much more, since it's not my life, but I felt horrible about what happened to him all weekend, which is why I spent so much time talking to him...I hope things will work out for him, even if he doesn't stay at Hopkins...

Oh, and I finally realized that it wasn't going to work out between some guy I had a thing for...what is that, like 15 strikeouts out of 15??


Okay...I think that's it...if you've read up to here, man you must really desperate for info on my life :)...but since you're down here, I just wanted to thank the people in my lives who made the past 2 months bearable...my suitemates, Peggy and Sonali, never fail to put a smile in my face and distract me for hours at a time, even in the most stressful of times...Catherine's been really great since she's been through a lot of the same things as I plus all the extra stuff she's dealing with....all my friends from MIT (Jyoti, Caitlin, Mishy) have been always there for me, whether on IM or phone...and my parents and brother have been really awesome...THANKS ALL!

All right, now I'm done...
Pictures to come.

Only in Baltimore

My mom ordered flowers online to be delivered this past Saturday for my birthday. But they never showed up. My mom calls on Sunday to cancel the order because she didn't think they would mean as much if they came after my birthday and she said she'd give me $50 instead....

But, alas, the flowers show up on Monday, despite the cancellation. I call my mom to tell her that she better check that she doesn't get charged since she cancelled the order. Most companies would give the flowers for free since they failed to deliver the flowers on time and because they made the mistake of delivering the flowers after the cancellation. But no, after having the flowers in my room for 3 hours, I got a call from the security guard that the florist delivery guy was downstairs and that I had to return the flowers...WHAT?!??!?! Hello, are they going to resell those same flowers?!?! I was so devastated...

Only in BALTIMORE!!!